i want to thank John Dorian for the title of this little episode. i dont think that being super lonely is ever going to be awesome, no instead it makes me depresed and then i get to flirt with the idea of developing a drinking problem, one of the few genetic weakness of my freeman clan. no being alone is the worst thing for a man.
i think adam was alone for a while, when he was naming the animals i think it was him and God, or maybe it was just him naming all those animals. he had a purpose and a job that kept him going, looking for all those crazy creatures. but i think at the end of the day when he found a nice place to lay down to sleep, he felt the way i do at the end of the day, "i'm the only one here, i wish i had someone to share this with."
love might be a lie, a trick that the media and shakespeare have been trying to sell us, or maybe its just not in the cards for me. everytime i get close to a relationship it quickly goes sour or like a ship in the bermuda triangle disaperes. is it me or is it them why cant i find the love thats in song of songs cause i am looking and you know what? its like looking for a needle in a haystack, but some one already found the needle and i am left looking for something that is not there, something that might not have ever been there.
1 comment:
Alex,
On one hand, I wish I could wave a magic wand and take the pain and hurt associated with loniness away from you.
But on the other hand, there is no other experience that to a very small degree, allows us to feel what Jesus must have felt on the cross when he surely felt abandoned and unloved by not only is family and friends but by his Father as well.
As someone who loves you deeply, I hope that you live as painfree a life physically, emotionally and spiritually as possible.
I also know that because of man's inherent refusal to listen to most advice offered to us, that the greatest teacher we all learn from is the pain we experience as we live out out lives.
I would never advocate that you intentionally put yourself into a potenially harnful situation just to "learn" from pain. But I would also say, that when you do find yourself in the kind of pain and loneliness you have descibed in your blog, that you experience it for what it is, to embrace it as a gift that will hopefully allow you to grow and learn.
I also know that pain creates sensitivity. As we overcome painful things in our life, we become sensitive to the circumstances that caused the pain and it helps us avoid similar pain in the future. And maybe even more important, it allows us to be more sensitive to those we encounter who may be going though the same pain we have overcome in the past so that we can show them love and support to ease their pain to whatever degree we can.
Your Dad
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