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Monday, July 28, 2008

fathers

this post is inspired by ben folds song were still fighting it.
Good morning, son.I am a bird
Wearing a brown polyester shirt
You want a coke? Maybe some fries? The roast beef combos only $9.95
Its okay, you dont have to pay
Ive got all the change
Everybody knows It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
Its so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and Were still fighting it, were still fighting it
And youre so much like me
Im sorry
Good morning, son
In twenty years from now
Maybe well both sit down and have a few beers
And I can tell you bout today
And how I picked you up and everything changed
It was pain
Sunny days and rain I knew youd feel the same things
Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
Its so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
Were still fighting it, were still fighting it
Youll try and try and one day youll fly
Away from me
Good morning, son
I am a bird
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew youd feel the same things
Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
Its so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
Were still fighting it, were still fighting it
Oh, were still fighting it, were still fighting it
And youre so much like me
Im sorry
originaly just about the chorus everybody knows its hurt/sucks to grow up but then i read the lyrics and its a song between a father to a son, i wonder if the line "and youre so much like me/ im sorry" resonates for my dad the same way the line it hurts to grow up resonates for me. i have come to the point where i realize i am growing up and my dad is as well. im not married and i dont have kids but i know that when i get married i might be ready for that, but there is no doubt in my mind i will never be ready for kids, i also know that i will have kids. i think when you have kids as they grow up you grow up as a parent. im starting to leave the adolescent stage and enter into manhood slowly draging my heels kicking and screaming, but i'm going none the less. my dad is still in his adolescents of parenthood, i say that cause we are both making the same mistakes we made when i was 17 i still demand that i have my way and ironicly he is making the same demand.
i'm going on DTS (decipleship training school) with YWAM(Youth with a mission) in january the school is in Kona the outreach is to central asia so that could mean reletivly safe countrys like turkey and tajikistan and dangerous places like iraq and afganistan. this disision to follow my heart and my God is unbeliviably important to me, i know that i have a huge finacial burden(9,000) but i'm not too worried about that. the thing that is beginging to stress me out is the lack of support from my parents, my family has been very suportive or they are respectfull enough of my decision and realize i wont heed their warnings enough to know not to try and discourage me. my parents at first were semingly suportive of me then came the fourht of july and the shit hit the fan. my mom started to bring up how i dont have a very active job and my dad brought up my lack of world travel experiance, and lack of ability to spot a terrorist, something that our own armed forces have a certain level of dificulty doing. i know that they were coming from a place of love and caring for me but the overarching theme that i heard was "we dont care what you want to do with your life! we dont care what you feel God wants! we know better then you and we Just Dont Care!" that wasnt their message to me but thats what i heard and thats how it felt. the thing about all of that is this i am just as scared about this whole thing as they are, the huge difference between us is this, i am actualy facing those things that they are scared of. i'm not saying this trying to make you think oh well he's so brave or any of that kind of crap but to say i am going out there, im not safe at home worrying about these abstract things. maybe thats not fair. but i do know this i am tired of doing things without the support of my parents. i need them to be encouraging me to do my best, to work hard, that even though they might worry themselves sick and not be pleased with my destination they will still be proud of my decision to follow God and that they will support me no matter what.
like i said we are both growing up, i seem to need more space from them then usual, i dont know if thats some sort of spiritual warfare thing or new finacal stress that they are inadvertanly taking out on me or what this is all about, but its time for some respect on both sides.
my dad gets mad at me because he says i am argumenetive that i always have to be right, and i know that when he reads the following it will just encourage him in that belief, but the fact of the matter is he wants to be right just as much as i do and when i disigree with him it may be that we are both right from a certain point of veiw. you know obi wan says vader murderd anakin and it seems they are two different people but they are realy the same person. we belive what we belive, and we have strong convictions, he taught me that i should stick to my convictions but how can i do that when he says dont if they go against his. i dont like fighting with my dad but i cant go against my convictions just to stop a fight from happening.
sometimes i feel like i have reached out as much as i can. i cant begin to write about all the times i have asked my dad to go golfing and its got as far as ya that would be fun. i use to try and get him to do stuff i wanted, then i changed it to stuff he liked to do, i have yet to go golfing, but i have gone to the shop.
the shop is ok if you like doing the most menial task and then sitting and doing nothing for an hour. i dont know what i'm getting at, maby its that i want to be seen as more of an adult but my dad continues to see me as a 17 year old and so i live up to that expectation, or maby that expectation is there because i still act like a 17 year old. maby im developmentaly challenged, or i have a severe case of peter pan syndrome. i do know that i am mature enough to know a change is needed.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude.
Long story short, I struggle with my parents as well. There is a rift growing between my dad and I as well. I fear that these rifts are necessary, this contention, these battles and arguments, it's part of establishing personal dominance, and establishing yourself / myself as an Individual unit rather than a part of his family. I know your parents, man. You are right about their concern for you. Their seeming lack of support, I believe it to be more of an inadvertent support. They support you by asking the questions that they feel you need to know, be aware of. Ultimately, I know they just want you to be happy, and be able to support yourself (and whatever family may introduce themselves down the line).

On another note, seriously take a look at your plans. Pray about them, and find comfort in the Word. As my mother has always told me, things happen for a reason. If things are meant to be, then they will fall into place without much effort.

Last, I love you as a brother, my friend. I wish you the best of luck on all of your journeys, and I know you have the willpower, and sheer determination to make your place in this world, to make yourself heard, just make sure to take time to listen and hear what others are saying.

-Your Brother;
-Michael (VA)

Lloyd said...

Alex,you are right. The struggles you articulate so well are the same struggles I had with my dad when I was your age. To paraphrase an old adage, there is nothing new in the world, everything is just recylced, is true, especially when it comes to father and son relationships.

You are also right that the feed back you hear from your parents is based in a very deep love, not only for your safety but that you will become the man God wants you to be.

I'm sure it feels like parents don't listen to what their children want or what they desire to do when they tell you that whatever it is you're thinking about doing, isn't a very good idea. That is not because we can see into the future and predict that you might be hurt, physically or emotionally, but because, while the places and people maybe different in your life today, the reality is that we probably have already lived through very similiar circumstances in our lives.

So yes, it is too easy for us to say we know more than you do about certain things in life just because we have lived longer and gone though more. And it also too easy for a child to blow off their parents concern as uncaring, overly controlling and unsupportive to what they want to do just because they don't throw a party every time you voice a new direction in our life.
By the way, I'm ready go play golf anytime you want.
Dad