Friday, January 11, 2008

where are you from part I

so i just got home from visiting my friend sarah. she is more then a friend, thats because we dated for two years in highschool. its weird how people from your past make you think about your past, i think back on it and i wonder if i even liked that person i was, or if i even have changed. admitidly i have matured and the most notable physical divrence is that i can grow a full on beard. thinking about who i was and if i liked that person makes me wonder do i like who i am now? i dont know, i think so, but at the same time i feel like God is rebuilding me into who he wants me to be and not who every one else wanted me to be. in high school i really just molded myself to be what those around me wanted me to be, wether it was my dad, my church, my friends, even my tv. in some sense i supose i was who i wanted to be and some of the choices i made then i am very pleased with the results such as my hair. however there are other choices that make me wonder if they were the right ones even to consider, such as breaking up with sarah. i know now that i gave her a completly bull shit answer, "that God wanted us to break up" if that was true she would have heard that as well, really what happend was i felt under appreciated and instead of talking to her about it i bailed. i felt i was puting in all this work and she wasnt doing didily, which in retrospect isnt true. the truth is that i was looking to her to fulfil a need in my heart that she couldnt fulfill, and it was selfish of me to even look to her to do that, now of course i was to immature to know that but still i definitly owe her a long overdue appology, and if she reads befor i nut up and become a man and talk to her i hope she knows this is not it. alot of times people from your past can bring out the worst but somtimes they bring out the best i think this is one of the best kinda times

1 comment:

Rigor and Cycle said...

I was going to totally burn you for the emo post...

until I realize like all of my posts are at least 4 times as emo as that. And they aren't even about girls all the time. Well actually, yeah, mostly they are. Or they would be more honest if they were.

Cool reflection.