coma

yesterday my friend was supossed to come up from oregon to see me, sometimes life has other plans. she was hit by a drunk driver and now is in a coma. my thoughts are the following on this, firstly if she hadnt been coming to see me or even coming so early then this wouldnt have happend, if she had left a little sooner or even a little later she would be here and this would be an entry of joy and not great sadness. part of me blames myself, another part of me blames the drunk that hit her. what will i do if heaven forbid she never wakes up? what do i do if she dies? how can i go to that funeral and say to her family "hey guess what she was coming to see me im the reason she's DEAD!" why does there have to be so much suffering in this world, a year ago next month another friend of mine lost his dad, and tim said this, "this isnt supposed to happen to us."

in highschool we all had hope for the future we thought we were cynics but we just had dark senses of humor. yes bad things had either happend to us or around us but nothing horrific nothing too tragic. it now appears that the older we get the more and more our lives begin to resemble a greek tragidy, i swear if somebodys girlfriend is actualy their mom i am going to loose it.

the odd thing was after highschool we all went our seperate ways, i had a feeling i wouldnt see some of my closest friends ever again. the thing about that is now they are back in washington, and i still hardly see them. you never know whats going to happen in life wether its geting in a wreck or losing your dad, or just not seeing your friends.